Wednesday, December 23, 2009

No computer until Monday so.....

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Thursday Things on Friday

1. I wish I was more spiritual
2. I want to believe in heaven
3. I have never worn a cowboy hat
4. I wish I could sing in key
5. I believe people come into our lives for a reason, not by chance

I'm doing better today, but I still have moments of grief so swift and painful I want to curl up in a a ball. I was told by a very wise woman that you have to let grief have you and that you can come out of it better. I'm hoping she's right.
I put the Christmas tree up on December 10th for Melissa. I bought an ornament for her and I have hung one of my Cystic Fibrosis bracelets on one of the top branches. I think she would like that. I know she would want me to celebrate, I'll just be celebrating with a heavy heart this year. She above all knew what a gift each and everyday is. My heart goes out to Jada. I hope she will take solace in her family and know in her heart that Melissa loves her dearly. So sweet Jada hold Zoe close and know that we all have an angel watching over us ...until we can all be together again.

Monday, December 14, 2009


I'm fine one minute, than I'm in tears. I know how much this would piss Melissa off. She would want me to be strong and not cry, but dammit I miss her. I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes it just plain sucks. I want the pain in my heart to go away. I want to stop feeling like this, only I can't. It's too fresh and I'm in so much pain that I think my heart will never heal. I HATE CF!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

# 57

Grace in Small Things ( For Melissa)

1. Grateful that I had the pleasure of knowing Melissa Smith
2. Knowing Melissa is now dancing with her Daddy and breathing easy
3. The smile that comes to my face when I hear in my head Melissa saying "oh Jennifer"
4. Knowing in my heart that goodbye doesn't mean forever
5. Knowing that Melissa can take a deep breath with no pain, can run, dance and do all the things that Cystic Fibrosis kept her from as the earthy Melissa

Goodbye for now, my sweet, dear, funny friend. Until we meet again. I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Goodbye, Sweet Melissa

My wonderful friend Melissa passed away this morning after a 41 year battle with Cystic Fibrosis. Oh how I long to feel one of her hugs right now. Breathe easy and dance with your Daddy. I love you, goodbye for now, my Sweet Melissa.

The Soft Goodbye

When the light begins to fade,
And shadows fall across the sea,
One bright star in the evening sky,
Your love's light leads me on my way.
There's a dream that will not sleep,
A burning hope that will not die.
So I must go now with the wind,
And leave you waiting on the tide.
Time to fly, time to touch the sky.
One voice alone - a haunting cry.
One song, one star burning bright,
Let it carry me through darkest night.
Rain comes over the grey hills,
And on the air, a soft goodbye.
Hear the song that I sing to you,
When the time has come to fly.
When I leave and take the wing,
And find the land that fate will bring,
The brightest star in the evening sky,
(Is your love far from me)
Is your love waiting far for me.
(oh)Is your love waiting far from me....

Friday, December 4, 2009

Praying and Missing

I'm praying for my sweet friend Melissa. She's in the hospital and hasn't been making progress with her CF treatments. I'm very worried about her. Please pray for her to feel better and for the treatments to start working and that she can be home with her family soon. Love ya Melissa.
Also today is the 9th anniversary of my cousin Tina's passing. We lost her so suddenly and with no reason, and it still hurts today just as much as it did 9 years ago. I know that your watching over us and guiding us. Miss and Love you more than I can say.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Was on vacation for a week then got sick and don't have anything to report. Back to work and still not feeling great. Hopefully will feel like writing here again soon.